


JB Barnes - Professional Dick by James Buchanan Barnes for Fandom Trumps Hate

by debwalsh



Series: Steve and Bucky Do Fandom Trumps Hate [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fandom Trumps Hate, M/M, Troll Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:35:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: In which Bucky discovers the wonders of posting on AO3, right down to the not-so-helpful comment.’And how about a Stucky story written by yours truly?  Check me out athttps://fth2019offerings.dreamwidth.org/tag/username:+deb+walsh.And hey, I’d be very open to writing the stories that Bucky is posting, too!





	JB Barnes - Professional Dick by James Buchanan Barnes for Fandom Trumps Hate

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you’re finding these as entertaining as I am. I really am a fan of Troll!Bucky and his long-suffering boo.

“So this AO3 thing,” Bucky started without preamble, vaulting over the back of the couch to land next to Steve.Not surprisingly, Steve barely felt a shift in the couch, thanks to Bucky’s finely tuned assassin reflexes. 

“Hmm?”

“So, the first story got a kudo - that’s a good thing, right?”

“Yeah, Buck, that means somebody read it and liked it.  Good for you,”

“Thanks, muffin.  So what does a bookmark mean?”

“Um, it means somebody saved it for later, I guess.”

“Why?  Ain’t gonna get better with age.”

“Well, different people bookmark for different reasons.Like to mark they’ve read it, or to remember it was something they liked.It’s affirmation, anyway.”

“Huh. And if someone leaves a comment?”

“I guess they were moved by what you wrote.  Enough to want to say something back to you.  Why?  Did someone comment on your story?” 

“I guess?I mean, someone left something.See here?‘Who do you think you are writing my bae this way? You don’t know them like i do. They’d never do anything like what you wrote in this fic from hell’. I’m kinda thinking the movement here ain’t complimentary. Maybe more dysentery.”

“Um, first of all, gross.And second, this reader is saying you don’t know who?”

“You’n’me.In one of them AU things.Alternate universe?”

Steve’s eyes lifted to take in the title.“Oh my God, you actually wrote Sergeant RockHard?”

“First of a series,” Bucky told him proudly.“I’m thinkin’ though I need to do some kind of rebuttal here.I mean ... nobody knows us like us, right?And we would totally do what I wrote in the story.In fact, I pretty much wrote what we did last Thursday, just changed up the location.”

“Yeah, but you’re writing under a pseudonym - nobody knows it’s really Bucky Barnes.”

“But they’re gonna need to know, right?To get the good bids on the Fandom Trumps Hate auction.Oooh, I know - I got another one almost ready to post. I’ll put that one up, and share it to my Twitter - if I tweet about it under my verified account, everybody‘ll get the idea.”

“And you’re gonna tell the world that’s how we have sex.You’re gonna invite everybody and their judgmental uncle from Podunk Assholia into our bedroom.”

“This didn’t happen in a bedroom, Steve.It happened in an environmentally secure bio dome on Uranus.There wasn’t a bed - gravity’s a little lighter on Uranus, so we kinda bounced around a bit.I’m thinkin’ we need to see if Stark’ll lend us his zero G lab to try some stuff out, y’know?”

“Jizz just floats in zero G, Buck.It’s kinda gross.”

“Depends on what you do with it.”

“It’s a good thing I love you.  ‘Cos I don’t know if I’d talk to you otherwise.”

“Don’t have to talk to fuck.  Anyway, so this is my new one - whaddya think?”

Bucky handed over the tablet, revealing a text file titled, “JBB Barnes - Professional Dick.”

Steve turned and raised an eyebrow that just kept going up.“Really?”

“Read it.  It’s noir.  I’m a private dick for hire, and in comes this dishy Adonis who’s never met an extra small shirt he didn’t try to squeeze his pecs into, defying the laws of fabric physics in every universe -“

“You buy me those shirts.You deliberately get me shirts that are two or three sizes too small.You just love to watch me bust of out of them.”

“And you wear them as an act of love, I know.  I’m lucky to have you and all that happy horseshit.  But, come on - read it and tell me what you think -“

“You wrote me as a damsel in distress!”  Steve read aloud, his voice an upper register falsetto,  ‘Oh Mr. Barnes, I don’t know how I can repay you for your bravery, your big strong arms, your magnificent dick!’” He lowered his voice back to normal.   “Seriously, Buck?”

“It’s fan fiction.Maybe a little fantasy?Wish fulfillment.You know you look incredible in a bustier and stockings.And I love you in eyeliner.Think I’m chubbin’ up a little at the thought.Y’know, why don’t we put a pin in this one, and we’ll pick it up later?After,” Bucky offered, rising from the couch with his hand out for the tablet.

Steve handed it over with a dubious expression, and Bucky tossed it on the seat. Then he snagged Steve’s hand and hauled him up.“Oh, baby.The things you do to me.”

“Yeah?The things I’m gonna do right back, sweetheart,” Steve replied, his voice like dark honey, promising all manner of delights.

“Huh, maybe I should take the tablet, take some notes -“

“Baby, you’re not gonna be able to string two words together when I’m done with you.And if I don’t make it so you can’t forget it, then I’m not doing my job right.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t forget to check out the entire Fandom Trumps Hate project, funding social justice one fanwork at a time since 2017. 
> 
> Tumblr: https://fandomtrumpshate.tumblr.com/
> 
> Dreamwidth: https://fandomtrumpshate.dreamwidth.org
> 
> This year’s offerings: https://fth2019offerings.dreamwidth.org/


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